Loneliness and Becoming a Writer

Writing can be a lonely process. You might brainstorm with friends, you might talk about your writing to your family, you might even be co-authoring something with another writer. That doesn’t stop writing from being a lonely process.

That said, I don’t think loneliness is a bad thing. I’m at my most productive when I’m lonely. My internal voice grows to fill the void, creating lines of dialogue without much conscious input. Characters almost beg to be heard, their opinions leaping out at me no matter the context of my day. Even so, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m practically talking to myself with extra steps.

Much of my childhood writing was motivated by this desire to speak with somebody who I could really peel apart and understand. I wanted somebody who could forge through their world with an honesty about them. I wanted somebody who had touched fire and been burned. I wanted the fragility and transparency of glass, the tenacity required to hold Tam Lin, the fatal curiosity of Orpheus. Essentially, I wanted to know people better, and it didn’t much matter if they were a timid servant or a dragon-slayer who’d been through hell and back.

As I grew up, I found as much satisfaction in reading about people with a steadfast boring-ness about them as I did about people who kill for power. Even now, I absorb the lives of others with an obsessive tilt. I’m gathering information for a mental encyclopedia of human possibility, an encyclopedia that will never actually be meaningfully used.

Loneliness turns writing into an itch that must be scratched. I need to write to learn, because I refuse to do things the easy way by talking to strangers. I yearn for company, yet hate to be seen. If there was only loneliness without any fear, then I probably never would have become a writer. Then again, I’ve had many friends over the years, and my desire to write has never lessened.

Though many writers walk different paths through life and come to the same passion, I can’t help but wonder how many are spurred on be the delicious sense of turning a lonely night into one of creating worlds and characters.